wolfy_sam | Surprise?

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Surprise?

Sam is an utter wreck, pacing outside of a hospital room. The wolf is agitated, barely calmed by the presence of his brother and mate. Lydia is ill, violently, terribly ill. It had started a week ago and finally progressed to the point where she’d passed out in their bathroom after vomiting most of the day. She was badly dehydrated and weak and Sam was terrified. He couldn’t even smell what was wrong with her, only that she was in pain and afraid.

Specialists are called in, one after another, and no one will give the younger Winchester a definitive answer, much less let him see his fiancee for nearly a full day.

Finally, finally at the end of the day, Sam is allowed in to see Lydia. She’s stable, an IV restoring lost fluids and medication helping to calm the severe nausea. He doesn’t even notice the doctor, all he can see is how pale and how small she looks in the bed and he can’t hold her, not completely.

“Mr. Winchester.. Sam.” The doctor smiles briefly at the rattled Alpha. “You’re going to have a baby.”

Only Dean’s very quick reflexes keep his shocked younger brother from hitting the floor.

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"You do that anyway." Lydia points out. Sam spoils her. He always has, since the moment they met and this is only going to give him an excuse to be worse. "Dean is going to take care of Cas and Cas isn't taking care of anyone." This is exactly what she didn't want. Excitement and attention and people doting on her. Cas is pregnant again and the last thing he needs to be doing is worrying about her.

She shifts onto her back to face him for the first time since she passed out earlier today, folding her arms as best she can around the IV. She doesn't really know what else to do with her hands besides lay them on her stomach and she can't-.

She just can't.

So she folds her arms, drumming her fingers against the inside a little. "What else did the doctor say?"

He dotes on Lydia because he loves her, because she makes him smile and she challenges him in all the right ways. She holds him after a nightmare and massages his shoulder when his muscles are cramping, trying to move an arm that's no longer there.

Now that he can do the same for her? Sam can't wait. He fiddles with the IV line. "They're going to bring in an echo monitor soon, so we can hear the heartbeat." Excitement shines brightly behind his eyes and he reaches to cup her cheek. He wants her to be happy, wants her to share in his elation.

"This is good news. We're going to have a baby."

She turns out of his touch before she can think not to. It's not him. Lydia knows it's not. It's all her, and her guilt, and she clenches then unclenches her fist before forcing out a sigh.

"I know." I knew. He's so happy. And she knows he wants her to be the same way but she just...she can't. Not when every expert's already told them that she'll likely never carry a child to term. That if she somehow manages to, the child will be stillborn. Or too sick and crippled to make it past the age of one.

When she turns away from his touch, Sam withdraws, dropping his hand into his lap, all of his elation swiftly bleeding away into worry.

They'd made it this far. Humans had their freedom. Sam had come home from the war wounded but alive. His ring glittered on her finger. They could try. They could hope.

When he saw that despair in her eyes and Sam hesitantly tries to move forward again. "Don't. Don't think like that. You're going to get the best care here. Both of you." Sam settles one large hand on the faint swell of her stomach. "Lydia.. please. I won't leave you, not for a second. Anything that the Capital needs is going to have to wait."

"What else am I supposed to think, Sam?" Lydia turns to look at him, arms still folded. "No one thinks this is going to work. Not one person. The only reason that that doctor outside won't say it to our face right this second is because we're already pregnant, but he's been dancing around it since the tests came back! Keep her on bedrest. Keep her calm. Keep her comfortable. Keep her blood pressure down. We have to be careful. We have to be prepared."

She throws up her arms, dropping them uselessly to her sides. "I don't care about the Capital. Go to the Capital, if you have to, just don't...sit around here and get your hopes up." Except she knows Sam. And she knows they're already up. Cursing under her breath, she reaches up to push her hand through her hair. "This is why I didn't tell you." She whispers.

"A year ago, no one would have thought that humans would be freed. That humans and wolves would have fought side by side in a war. Six months ago? No one would have even imagined that a wolf would marry a human. But it all happened."

Dean always called him an idealist, which is probably why he was the one constantly sent on diplomatic runs rather than the military ones. It's one thing to hear it from your brother, it's another thing entirely to hear it from your wife and he can't help the crestfallen look. She's already given up and that hurts.

.. "Why you didn't tell me?" The room threatens to spin out from under him. "You.. you knew?"

"I knew." She repeats, voice starting to choke. "I knew, and I didn't-...I thought if I told you and then...I thought it would be better if only one of us had to deal with it." Period. If she'd miscarried, she would have grieved. She would have hated herself and cried until her throat and cheeks were raw, but she would have been the only one. Sam wouldn't have to hurt. He wouldn't have to deal with having come so close and losing his child just like they'd been told they would.

"I'm already...so sick. Don't you get it, Sam? It's only going to get worse. And if it's this bad for me, and I'm a full grown, healthy woman, I can't imagine-..." She's crying now, and she reaches up with both hands to try and dry her face but she fails. "I just thought if I did it alone, if you never knew-..."

If he had tried to shield her like that? She'd have kicked his ass for it. But Sam doesn't have the heart to be angry about the deception. Reaching out with his arm, he tries to draw her into an awkward half-hug.

"You're my wife. I love you." He presses a shaky kiss into her hair. "God you shouldn't think like that. Trying to spare me like that wouldn't have made it any easier on either one of us. Look, I know the odds aren't exactly in our favor. But it's happened."

It's happened and he'll be quietly happy for both of them. "We've beaten the odds already. You're pregnant, you're four months along. Don't.. don't give up on this. Please."

"...Four." Well that's news to Lydia. She's only known for two, so she didn't really think she was any further along than that and she's been fading in and out in terms of how much attention she's been paying to the doctor.

She scoots closer, curling her hands around his shoulders. "I want this. You know I want this, more than anything I do, but I just...I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work. I don't know what I'll do and I'm just-" She tucks her face against his neck, not even really concerned about dampening his shirt and skin. She threw up on him yesterday, tears won't kill him. "I'm scared. I'm scared to be happy, I'm scared for you to be happy, I'm scared that this is just too much good at all once. Good things don't happen like this. They don't. And every time I try to pretend they do or let myself forget they don't, things get worse." Sam loses an arm, every doctor they visit deem Lydia infertile...

His arm comes around her, holding Lydia close and not for the first time, Sam wishes he could hold her properly. Sam rubs his cheek into her hair, letting her cry into his neck. Yes, it's terrifying. So many things could go wrong, so many terrible things. But this was good. They deserved this much.

"Then we're not going to think that way. Shh. Look, I'l talk to Dean. Only Dean, Cas and Bobby and Ellen will know. We won't tell anyone else. They'll.. they'll keep things quiet." No excitement, just a quiet sort of hope. They could do that. "I can arrange for the doctor to come to the house to check on you."

"I'm basically going to be quarantined upstairs, aren't I?" Lydia sniffles. The main house on the Winchester estate is huge, and there's two flights of stairs and a platform between the floor where their bedroom is and the floor where the kitchen, living room and library are. Basically, moving from one floor of the house to the next is the complete opposite of bedrest. And don't get Lydia wrong, she loves online shopping, but actually leaving the house on occasion is something she's more fond of.

Sam cups the back of her head, holding her near. "I'm sure Dean can carry you if you want to move around."

Because he can't. And that has never bothered Sam more than it does right now. He can't carry her. He won't be able to carry their own child when it grows because he only has one arm. Closing his eyes, Sam kisses her hair. "We can do this. I know we can."

A gentle knock at the door admits an ultrasound tech, who needs to check Lydia and give her the first ultrasound. Sam falls back and holds her hand tightly. His eyes go wide and fill with tears when he sees that first blurry image of a baby. Heart is healthy, spine formed, brain growing. Healthy and alive. His child

"Do you want to know what the sex is?"

She doesn't want Dean to carry her. She doesn't want to be carried at all, not really, but if she has to be... But Sam can't anymore. On their wedding night, he managed to get her over the threshold, her arms around his neck and his arm tucked under her knees. But that was precarious enough. With the added weight of their child growing...it'll be impossible and she knows they're both thinking about it, even if neither of them will say it. "Maybe we can get one of those lift chairs."

Lydia doesn't half believe all of what she's hearing. The baby is actually alright. Healthy, forming the way it should be, even flexing just a tiny bit in the ultrasound for them. Like he knows Lydia and Sam are watching. It takes her a second to realize that Sam is speaking to her. "H-...uhm. What? Wait, now?" She turns to look at the technician, then back at Sam. "Now? Can you actually...already?"

The technician has to tap Sam on his shoulder as he stares, entranced by the tiny figure on the ultrasound. It's a greyish white blob, but he can see hands. He can see feet. He can see a rounded little stomach. Tears are streaming unchecked down his face and he turns to the young woman again.

"Yes, at four months we can tell what the sex of the baby is. Would you like to know?"

He has to take a steadying breath and look back to Lydia. "Do you want to?"

Does she want to know? The better question, Lydia thinks, is if knowing is a good idea. Knowing makes it real. Knowing means she'll be losing a son or a daughter if this really doesn't work. That there'll be names thrown around and themes picked out, all to be scrapped. That she'll have a picture in her head of this child that she'll never get to see.

...But will any of those things not be there if she doesn't know? A quick glance at her husband tells her that no. It won't be any different, even if she says no right now.

"Yes. I want to."

Sam can barely see through the joyful tears in his eyes. He nods, squeezing her hand gently and watching the tiny image on the screen. "Yes. Please."

"A little girl. It's a girl, Mr Winchester."

Pink dresses. Dolls. His world is awash in images and he gathers Lydia near again. The technician prints out the images, again assuring them both that the baby's development is progressing normally.

Normal. A heathy baby girl.

Lydia knows staying calm is imperative. But she can't, not right now and she tunes out again, wrapping her arms around Sam's waist to press closer, shoulders shaking as she cries. She can't even say that they're good tears, not entirely, not when they're almost as much fear and anger (at herself, for lying for so long and denying Sam - the both of them - this.) as they are from happiness.

But she's having a daughter. They're having a daughter. And she's normal and healthy right now and she's perfect and Lydia just...she just can't stop crying.

They hold onto each other for a long moment, crying out their joy and their relief. A baby. They're going to have a baby.

Sam stays close, even after the parade of doctors and nurses decreases. "I think they'll let you go tomorrow, once we get the house ready for you. Dean said he can put in a lift or something so you can move around the house."

He closes his eyes, resting his hand on the soft round of her belly. A baby. He can't believe this.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Lydia asks. Before, she hadn't wanted to come to the hospital. Now, that just seems stupid and she feels another flare of anger in her chest at herself for putting her child at risk out of some misguided mission to protect San. "Maybe I should stay..." She's going to be on bed rest anyway.

"Besides, I'm sure it'll take longer than a day for Dean and Bobby to get a lift put on the stairs. Don't you have to hire a technician for that anyway?"

"You know Dean and Bobby. Dean's probably headed home to start work already." Dean had also built a nursery for the triplets in under a week.

"When it's done, when it's done we can bring you home. But I'll stay here until they are." He presses his lips to the back of her hand. There was no way he was leaving until she was safe at home. With a faint smile, Sam moves a lock of her hair off her shoulder. "You're probably going to get sick of me before this is done."

He's going to hover. But he can't help it. They're having a baby. A perfect little girl.

"Probably, but it's a pretty advanced mechanical process. They're good with their hands, but I'm not sure I trust them with building a chair for me to ride up two flights of stairs in." Lydia laughs a little. She doesn't want a lift chair at all, really. Or to be on bed rest. But at least this way, she can retain at least a little independence and not have to worry about how she's going to get to the kitchen if Dean, Jackson, Scott, Stiles or Derek aren't in the main house.

"Oh please, Sammy, if I haven't gotten sick of you already, I won't." She waves him off. If he thinks his hovering is a change of pace, it really isn't. Aside from his trips to the capital, the two of them have been nearly inseparable since they met. And especially since they've mated. If they're both in the house, they're together. It's just kind of the natural order of things and though Dean teases, he and Cas are the same way.

Sam smiles at her, leaning to press his lips to her jaw. A baby. His mind keeps stuttering over it, overjoyed. A healthy baby girl. “Then I’ll stay here until they get it built at home.” He can trust Dean to oversee the process in the meantime.

A quiet laugh as he settles in close, his hand still cupping the soft swell of her belly. They’d done it. A baby. “I’m sure Allison could come stay at the house if you needed some company too.” Yes, she didn’t want to tell many people about the baby, but she was going to get cabin fever stuck in the house for the next few months. They were going to take no chances on this, they were going to be so very careful.

A baby girl. The little girl she’d always wanted.

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